


*slam dunks* a bunch of loser boys from loser teams

by orphan_account



Category: Kuroko no Basuke | Kuroko's Basketball
Genre: Anthology, Attempt at Humor, Comedy, Drabble, Established Relationship, Fluff, M/M, am i funny who knows i'm mostly just sad, collection, dumb idiots who are in love, is that too fancy for this, probably
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-08-04
Updated: 2014-10-26
Packaged: 2018-02-11 18:16:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,463
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2078238
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>an anthology of kagakuro pieces</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. *formless shoots into kagami's face*

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> aomine yr just jealous

Aomine Daiki would not consider himself a bitter man.

But when those two  _idiots_ are out there, PDAing like there is no tomorrow, Aomine  _feels_ bitter. It's not even because Kagami stole his position as Tetsu's light, or anything. It was just because they were so  _disgusting_ in public. Yeah, he's glad that Tetsu's happy and all, but he  _really_ doesn't see the necessity of them shoving it in everyone's faces. Satsuki thinks that they're the most adorable thing ever, but ask everyone else, and they'd tell you that Kagami and Tetsu are the most shameless couple that has ever come into fruition.

Like this one time: Aomine was dying for an ice-cream after practise, so he went to the ice cream parlour near Maji Burger and bought himself some ice cream. He was sitting by himself, licking the sweet, delicious, blueberry ice cream off the cone when he spotted Tetsu. He stood up and went to say hi, but he spotted Bakagami, and the  _asshole_ was sitting across Tetsu, tapping his nose with a spoon. And Tetsu looked like he was  _giggling._

Disgusting. Absolutely disgusting. Aomine could feel new cavities boring into his teeth. The ice cream he was eating tasted bitter after that display. He threw it away and went home.

Then there was this other time: they (Seirin, Tōō, and Kaijō) were eating at some ramen place after a 'friendly match', and Aomine made the mistake of sitting across Tetsu and Kagami. Tetsu was sharing his pork with Kagami even though Kagami had ordered extra beef with his noodles. To make matters worse, Tetsu was actually  _feeding_ Kagami. Aomine wanted to throw up right there and then. Hyuuga had jabbed Kagami in the ribs, telling him to 'get a room' and that did absolutely  _nothing_ because Tetsu just smiled and kissed Kagami.

ON THE LIPS.

Absolutely terrible. Aomine's sneers just earned him a dirty looks from Satsuki and Seirin's coach. And when he dropped his soup spoon and picked it up, he saw that Kagami's leg was basically wrapped around Tetsu's.

'You guys are fucking disgusting,' he said. 'Get a room already. You're giving me cavities.'

Satsuki got so annoyed at him after that and made him switch with Ryō, who was on the opposite end of the table. Whatever. At least he wouldn't have to witness their disgusting affection.

And just the day before, too! Aomine was in the bookstore, looking for study guides (only because he needed new basketball shoes and his mum was willing to pay only if he got his biology grade up), and at the the corner of the bookstore (next to the boring business books), Tetsu was sitting on the floor near Kagami and was holding a book up to their faces.

Aomine had a feeling that they weren't even reading.

He sneaked up near them and saw that they were  _actually_ reading. Ha! As if they could pull that trick on him. He just  _knew_ they were kissing and noticed him and stopped. Well, while he's at it, he might as well ruin their date.

He stood in front of Kagami and kicked his foot.

'Oi, asshole. What are you doing being all sneaky?' he said.

Tetsu looked up from the book he was 'reading' previously. 'Aomine-kun, as you can see, I'm teaching Taiga-kun how to read some of the kanji letters here.'

'Don't lie, you guys were probably making out behind that sneaky ass book.'

'T-that's none of your business!' Kagami stuttered. 'Get a girlfriend and get off our asses already!'

Aomine raised his hands in mock surrender and walked away.

✩

If you asked Momoi Satsuki, she would tell you that Aomine was bitter about Tetsu and Kagami's relationship.

It's like his brain automatically amplifies everything that they do together to the absolute worst level. This one time, Satsuki was out with her friends having ice cream and happened to stumble upon Kagami and Tetsu. Kagami was eating his ice cream and talking to Tetsu, who seemed to be asleep, and Kagami tapped Tetsu's nose with the spoon to wake him up. Later, when she met up with Aomine, he was complaining about how PDA Kagami and Tetsu were being at the ice cream parlour, and that they were 'practically giving each other handjobs under the table'.

And that time they had ramen with Kaijō and Seirin! Dai-chan sat in front of Kagami and Tetsu and was sneering at them the whole time even though they weren't even doing anything. She and Seirin's coach were talking about forcing Dai-chan to move when he suddenly burst. Satsuki had gotten so annoyed with him that she forced him to switch with Sakurai right after he stopped ranting.

Satsuki is 100% sure that Aomine just feels threatened by Kagami because he got further with Tetsu than he ever did.


	2. 'shut the fuck up kagami-kun'

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> kagami has an arguably annoying habit of mumbling his thoughts.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> italicised dialogue is kagami speaking in english because he's technically expat trash like me

Kagami has an arguably annoying habit of saying his thoughts out loud.

Well, technically he just mumbles, but it gets annoying nonetheless. In the beginning, when they first got together, Kuroko had found the habit extremely endearing and always made him smile, but after a whole year of dating, it just became sheer torture. Kagami was already a restless person who was constantly shaking his knees, drumming his fingers, and clicking his tongue in class, but when Kuroko first noticed Kagami's little habit, he found it absolutely adorable and couldn't keep himself from kissing Kagami.

But now it was absolutely terrible.

Not because Kuroko hated Kagami's habit, or anything. It was mostly the opposite.

It was sheer torture because they've done things in the bedroom (and kitchen and hall and living room and shower, etc.) and Kagami uses the same voice that he does when he's mumbling his thoughts. Kuroko really,  _really_ doesn't want to get turned on in public and he'd asked Kagami to stop on more than one occasion, but the habit was etched so deep into his mannerisms that it was basically impossible for Kagami to stop.

✩

_'What the everloving fuck is this_ "differential calculus" _shit why do I need to know this I don't care about limits at infinity who the hell uses this apart from math teachers?'_   _  
_

Kuroko immediately looked up from his chemistry homework. 'Kagami-kun.'

_'What? Can't you see I'm suffering here?_ '

'Please mumble in Japanese.'

'Why the hell should I?'

'It's distracting.'

Kagami leaned back on his chair and crossed his arms. 'Explain.'

'You won't get mad?'

'I honestly don't care.'

'Okay.'

'Go on.'

'You use your bedroom voice when you mumble.'

'So?'

'It kind of turns me on.'

Kuroko regretted his decision to tell Kagami when he saw the smirk forming on his light's face.

✩

Seirin was on a bus to their summer training camp. Kuroko was latched on to Kagami as the redhead was reading something called 'Ariel'. Kuroko thought it was about Ariel from 'The Little Mermaid' but Kagami informed him that the one he was reading was a poetry book.

_'Her_ _writing is absolutely breathtaking. The erotic imagery and this idea of oppression really works out.'_

Kuroko's hold on Kagami's arm tightened. He should have known that telling Kagami about his feelings was a terrible, terrible idea. He could see Kagami smirk from the corner of his eye.

When they finally reached the guesthouse they were staying at, Kagami and Kuroko took up the bathroom for a whole hour.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> aka kagami kun youre turning me on in public by mumbling in english please stop
> 
> i have no idea what kagami would even think about  
> also idk the japanese maths syllabus but i'm gonna learn differential calculus this year as a junior so i'm guessing it's gonna be the same when theyre in their second year?????????
> 
> i bet u that kagami reads poetry for fun because he's a gushy guy like that
> 
> (timed challenge: 30 minutes)


	3. 2 + 2 = 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> kagami doesn't pay attention in class

Kagami wasn't paying attention to whatever Mr Whatshisname was saying.

No surprises there.

He got basically no sleep because that bastard, Aomine, challenged him to see who could stay up the longest. The asshole didn't even make it past midnight, but Kagami wasn't someone who half-asses challenges. So he ended up staying up until 4 in the morning. Like an idiot.

It's barely 9 AM now and Kagami has another 15 minutes until class is over and done with. But he keeps drifting off, and thank god he decided to sit in front of Kuroko, because the bluenette keeps poking his back with the blunt end of his pencil to wake him up.

'Ahem! Kagami-san, what is the answer to the question?' Mr Whatshisname asked.

Shit. Ah shit. Fuck. That guy hated Kagami enough! If he tells Kagami's dad, Kagami is off to behaviour school in Manhattan. No thank you!

Kuroko leaned up and whispered in Kagami's ear. 'The answer is Rudolf Franz Karl Joseph von Habsburg-Lorraine, Crown Prince of Austria.'

'Uhh... It's Rudof mhgghgjfj van Lorraine, Crown Prince of Austria.' Kagami said out loud.

The whole class burst out laughing. Kagami could see Mr Whatshisname's veins popping out of his forehead.

'Kagami-san, this is Physics class, not European History. Now, Mashiro-san, what is the answer?'

'The binding energy is 17.59 MeV, sir.'

'Correct!'

Kagami could feel Kuroko's smug expression without even looking at him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> kuroko does this shit and you know it

**Author's Note:**

> *beatboxes* theyre so gay i love them


End file.
